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Beginnings
Jan. 6th, 2019 03:39 pmHello all,
Ariadne here. It occurred to Finna and I that we should gather together our old drawings and comics from when we were beginning our journey of discovery and share them here, so that is what we are doing. Here it goes, we hope you enjoy:
Beginnings are strange. There is this inkling of this "not me" self lurking somewhere. At some point I just admitted it I guess. I admitted that this "not me" me was truly not me, and I started talking to her.
And I loved her, this adorable "not me" me. She was frustrating and forgetful and silly and perfect. She still is. Her name is Phillis, and she was the first to try to get me to see who it is we have been all along. She was so brave. She humbles me.
Very quickly I found I missed her when she wasn't around. (Also right after this first real talk we went out and cut our hair, and Phillis, aka Phee, changed hers to pink, but only in the mind of course, the body's hair stayed blond).
In her absence I would lose my way. The edges of realty would seem to melt, the edges of me would seem to melt. There was no joy in the world, it was as though the world had been bleached to one gray haze of meaninglessness. These beginnings are so fraught with doubt and loneliness. I felt I was losing my mind, perhaps I was.
If you find yourself there in that moment, whether you are single or plural, know that you are not alone.
Somehow I knew there walls within me that I could not breach, nor hope to understand.
And somewhere echoing in the caverns of my mind was a reverberated pain, that I knew was not my own. I could feel them. And like me, they were so alone and so afraid. Even as a distant echo, their pain was an anguish.
Yet somehow from this brazier we pulled each other out.
We rescued each other. They rescued me.
We rescue each other as we have always done. For in the gnawing question " who am I? who am I?" there lies the very heart of the problem itself. It is not "I" at all, but we. This is who we are, we are each other's champions. We are one another's heroes. They are my heroes.
It doesn't mean there aren't frustrations.
Memory is tricky and switching can complicate things. It is incredibly frustrating and even sometimes detrimental.
But when we need each other...
...really need each other...
.. we are always there. That is who we are.
Discovery was so hard. We got through it because we trusted each other, and love each other.
As silly and cliche as it seems, the answer is always, and has ever been, love. That sounds so much simpler than it is. Love is a verb, an action. It isn't easy, but the way forward is love and I mean that, I mean that so much it is, in fact, painfully, and embarrassingly sincere. I am laughing at myself and shaking my head. BUT IT IS TRUE! It is the truest thing we know.
"Love is the bridge between you and everything!" -Rumi.
And now we are so much happier, so much more ourselves, so much more complete, than we have ever been. Yes things are awkward now with our family, yes there are all sorts of social awkwardnesses to navigate as a unabashed tribe of people inhabiting a single human form. Yes, it is hard and weird and awkward, but it is so much better than the lie we were trying to sell ourselves, the lie that we were just one person. We just aren't.
This is who WE are. And I love us.
To the other systems out there, I hope you can find your way to this place too. You deserve to see the view from here. It is amazing.
"Out beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field. I will meet you there." -Rumi.
Thank you for reading.
So much love,
Ariadne (and Sylvia supplying Rumi quotes)
Ariadne here. It occurred to Finna and I that we should gather together our old drawings and comics from when we were beginning our journey of discovery and share them here, so that is what we are doing. Here it goes, we hope you enjoy:
Beginnings are strange. There is this inkling of this "not me" self lurking somewhere. At some point I just admitted it I guess. I admitted that this "not me" me was truly not me, and I started talking to her.
And I loved her, this adorable "not me" me. She was frustrating and forgetful and silly and perfect. She still is. Her name is Phillis, and she was the first to try to get me to see who it is we have been all along. She was so brave. She humbles me.
Very quickly I found I missed her when she wasn't around. (Also right after this first real talk we went out and cut our hair, and Phillis, aka Phee, changed hers to pink, but only in the mind of course, the body's hair stayed blond).
In her absence I would lose my way. The edges of realty would seem to melt, the edges of me would seem to melt. There was no joy in the world, it was as though the world had been bleached to one gray haze of meaninglessness. These beginnings are so fraught with doubt and loneliness. I felt I was losing my mind, perhaps I was.
If you find yourself there in that moment, whether you are single or plural, know that you are not alone.
Somehow I knew there walls within me that I could not breach, nor hope to understand.
And somewhere echoing in the caverns of my mind was a reverberated pain, that I knew was not my own. I could feel them. And like me, they were so alone and so afraid. Even as a distant echo, their pain was an anguish.
Yet somehow from this brazier we pulled each other out.
We rescued each other. They rescued me.
We rescue each other as we have always done. For in the gnawing question " who am I? who am I?" there lies the very heart of the problem itself. It is not "I" at all, but we. This is who we are, we are each other's champions. We are one another's heroes. They are my heroes.
It doesn't mean there aren't frustrations.
Memory is tricky and switching can complicate things. It is incredibly frustrating and even sometimes detrimental.
But when we need each other...
...really need each other...
.. we are always there. That is who we are.
Discovery was so hard. We got through it because we trusted each other, and love each other.
As silly and cliche as it seems, the answer is always, and has ever been, love. That sounds so much simpler than it is. Love is a verb, an action. It isn't easy, but the way forward is love and I mean that, I mean that so much it is, in fact, painfully, and embarrassingly sincere. I am laughing at myself and shaking my head. BUT IT IS TRUE! It is the truest thing we know.
"Love is the bridge between you and everything!" -Rumi.
And now we are so much happier, so much more ourselves, so much more complete, than we have ever been. Yes things are awkward now with our family, yes there are all sorts of social awkwardnesses to navigate as a unabashed tribe of people inhabiting a single human form. Yes, it is hard and weird and awkward, but it is so much better than the lie we were trying to sell ourselves, the lie that we were just one person. We just aren't.
This is who WE are. And I love us.
To the other systems out there, I hope you can find your way to this place too. You deserve to see the view from here. It is amazing.
"Out beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field. I will meet you there." -Rumi.
Thank you for reading.
So much love,
Ariadne (and Sylvia supplying Rumi quotes)
